You Know what would be wonderful? A button that a person can just push when they want to stop thinking about something. I truly wish I had this button because this whole thinking thing really sucks.
But this button could stop all kinds of thoughts, it could help fix the sick or the people with memories that bring them so much hurt.
3weeks today I had my breakup. Yup. I remember being so calm about it... all i wanted was for him to be happy. Now.. I just want to hide away, find a cave to snuggle in with my comforter and hulu plus and just escape the world around me.
I know I sound completely ridiculous, but.. I was doing so much better realizing that it was over and that I just needed to move on. Then I watched a little video journal I made about his and I’s second date. Thats when it truly hit me that I was the only one really working at this relationship in the end. In the beginning he was the ideal guy, bringing flowers, calling, long dates, sad that he had to go..
..I was home alone all day because I wasn't feeling good, he was at his friends house all day, not doing anything. He didn't come to my house till 7 that night. He couldn't come to my final scenes performance because he was hungry and he always made excuses for not seeing me.
In the start he wanted to see me. In the end.. I was a hassle.
It kills me on the inside knowing that I was the only one that cared..
He told me that he would chase me if I ran (because I always ran away from guys and love), but in the end he was the one who ran.
...
I want that button please.
I want to memory of his eyes when they were full of warmth out of my head. I want his consoling touch and words erased.
I just want this hurt to be gone.
*click*
...
But sometimes we have to realize that with time there will be release.
We wont have our pain erased, just our pain eased.
With time his eyes will fade from my memory, his carelessness floating away.. the remembrance of his love.. just a thought that I used to know.
Just let the hurt subside. please
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